Telling funny Christmas stories can help break the ice at holiday parties and bring a bit of jolliness during stressful family gatherings or shopping trips. Get your giggle on with these 12 funny Christmas stories.
Ugly Christmas Tree
The cat had an obsession with the Christmas tree. The entire holiday season, it was a miserable job to keep the cat out of the tree. Thankfully, it was Christmas Eve, and the tree would be coming down soon. However, it was then that the oversized barn cat decided it was time to wage war. Unfortunately, the tree stand wasn't up to the added weight of the voluptuous tomcat. It came crashing to the ground with a thunderous boom.
Upon hearing the resounding crash, the entire family woke. The living room looked like a Christmas wasteland, with ornaments rolling under the couch and the tree crushing presents. The cat slinked away under the radar to pick needles out of his fur. Bobby, the youngest, looked up at his mother in wonder.
"Dad was right, Mom. Santa thought your Christmas tree was ugly too."
Bad Christmas Tree
Three-year-old Maria's new secret puppy pooped under the Christmas tree before her father could put it in hiding. When Maria came home from her Grandma's on Christmas Eve, she went to look at the Christmas tree. Seeing the poop on the floor, Maria quickly ran into the kitchen to her mother.
"Mom, I think you need to give the Christmas tree a time out."
"Why?" her mom asked curiously.
"It pooped on the floor."
Unfortunate Christmas Cookies
Two weeks before Christmas, four-year-old Christy found out she was allergic to gluten. Christmas Eve has been packed with activities. With no time to get Christmas cookies, her mom picked up some gluten-free ones at the store. That way, Christy would be able to have a snack too.
That night Christy's father ate one of the leftover Santa cookies. It went down the wrong tube on the last bite, and he choked for a few minutes. Thinking nothing of it, the parents went to bed. That morning was full of fun and opening presents. The family was sitting down to breakfast with their new toys when Christy looked at her gluten-free toast with a sad look.
"Mom, I think I should send Santa a sorry note."
"Why?" her mother asked curiously.
"I heard him gagging on the cookies last night."
Shady Santa
Santa was visiting the school. Parents were required to provide a present for their children a few days before that teachers could give it to Santa with their name on it. Five-year-old Tatyana was very excited to see Santa. However, she was slightly disappointed by his very apparent fake beard and slender figure.
Looking at her teacher, she stated, "I don't think that's the real Santa."
Her teacher tried to console her, but she still looked at the Santa suspiciously. After getting her present, she came to sit next to her teacher with her opened present.
"See, I told you he was the real Santa; he knew just what you wanted."
Tatyana eyed the man speculatively and said, "Yeah, but he's still shady."
The Magic Hat
After school, Timmy was digging through his father's closet.
"What are you looking for?" his father asked, taking in the mess.
"I'm seeing if you have a magic hat?" Timmy stated, throwing a blazer out of the closet, adding, "We watched Frosty the Snowman at school today, and they used a hat to bring him to life. It looked like that one you wore on Grandma's birthday."
With a knowing smile, the father looked at the boy.
"You want to see if my top hat will bring our snowman to life?" his father asked affectionately.
"No," the boy replied, looking at him with a shoe in his hand, "I want to try it on my Optimus Prime."
Christmas Massacre
Four-year-old Keiran ran into his mother's room in a panic.
"Mom, you need to get Duke out of here."
Confused, his mom looked at him curiously.
"Why?"
"Duke ate Ellie the Elf, and Santa's probably going to call the cops," Kieran said frantically.
At just that moment, an overweight bulldog came sauntering into the room merrily with a Santa ornament hanging out of his mouth.
Keiran put his hand on his forehead and sighed.
"Well, there's no hope for him now."
Christmas Coal
Two naughty boys begged their father to open one present on Christmas Eve. With a knowing look, their father handed them two big boxes filled with coal.
"Just remember, this is only the first present."
He wanted them to learn a lesson but not to be too disappointed.
Upon opening the coal, the two boys jump up and down in excitement.
Confused, the father looked at them, asking, "Why are you so excited about coal."
The youngest boy looked at him in exasperation.
"You said this is only the first present, and we really didn't think Santa would bring us that train."
The Christmas Dinner
Young Jessica always wanted a dog for Christmas. She asked Santa at the mall and even put it on her wish list. When Christmas came, her mom handed her a huge box with holes. Excited, Jessica ripped it open only to be disappointed to find a little potbelly pig.
Then Jessica asked her mom, "Why did Santa get me a pig?"
From the kitchen, her dad yelled, "Oh, that's my fault."
"Why?" Jessica asked.
Her father replied, "I asked Santa for a Christmas ham."
Santa Is Stuck
Jack and his sisters had just come down the stairs on Christmas morning. The pile of presents had the children vibrating with excitement. Suddenly, a loud banging came from the family's chimney. Jack and his sisters looked at the fireplace in horror, asking, "Is Santa stuck in there?"
Don't Forget Jose
Juan's little brother Jose was born on the same day that his Elf on the Shelf, Maria, came to his house. After writing his goodbye letter to Maria on Christmas Eve, Juan's parents noticed him pushing Jose's bouncy seat toward the chimney.
"What are you doing?" His mom asked.
"I just wanted to make sure Santa didn't forget to take Jose, too."
Santa's Secret Identity
A little boy secretly follows a department store Santa to the changing room. The man comes out in his street clothes, ready to go home. The boy pops out, "I knew it."
Nervously, the man looks around, asking, "Knew what?"
Smiling ear to ear, the little boy leans in close and whispers, "I knew that Santa wouldn't be able to keep an eye on all the little girls and boys without a secret identity."
The man smiles, nodding, "Just make sure not to tell anyone."
The little boy nods enthusiastically, "I won't, San…" the boy pauses, looking around cautiously, adding, "I mean Chris Kringle."
Be Careful Grandma
As grandma was getting ready to leave the house on Christmas Eve, Olivia looked at her with concern.
"Make sure to be really careful on your way home; Santa is delivering presents."
Her grandmother smiled at her.
"I don't think I have to worry about Santa."
Olivia looked at her incredulously.
"Haven't you heard? He's already run one grandmother over."
Funny Christmas Stories
Christmas is a time for giving gifts, getting together with family, and having fun. Keep your guests entertained with a few funny stories. You might even use these as a starting point to write a Christmas joke or silly story of your own.
